Making the old new again
Revisiting the norms of the past like a time traveler
I never thought I’d step back on the stage to read a poem, much less do it at Lincoln Center. It was exciting and nerve-racking, and I wasn’t really sure how it would go. I spent most of Saturday trying to keep the nerves at bay and got to the venue extra early. There were eleven of us performing, so it was nice to just chat and relax, so I could have a little distraction.
The poets were ALL fantastic. Inua always creates an amazing night, and this was no exception – every poet had a different style and flavor. They each did a poem inspired by a different Celine Dion song, then the DJ remixed the Celine song and another song the poet picked that reflected the poem they wrote.
When I stepped up to the mic, the nerves were gone, and something just clicked. It was like I journeyed back in time, to a moment when I took the stage, the corner of a pub, a lectern between the stacks of a bookstore, and performed my words. I let the emotions run through me, I played up the jokes, and I left the stage feeling like I was on fire.
A Tiny Story of a Poetry Book.
The first book of poems I ever owned was a used book: A Child’s Garden of Verse by Robert Louis Stevenson. I think it might have been my dad’s at some point, but mine was the first name to be written in the inside cover. I didn’t have a lot of things that were just mine, and the carefully green-marked printing of my name gracing the top of the page was my stamp of ownership.
I used to read the poems aloud, copy them out into my lined notebook, and redraw the tiny illustrations by Jessie Willcox Smith. I even marked the poems I liked best with a tiny checkmark in pen. The outer cover is scribbled with pencil, which means my little sister got a hold of it at some point. I know I was mad at that then, but now, it just gives the book history.
I also used to read Shel Silverstein’s poetry – my grandma had them on her coffee table whenever we visited – the one I inherited after she and my grandpa passed. Right now, it’s stacked with books that are in my TBR (To Be Read) list – and I keep adding to the pile. I wish I had more hours to read them all.
From reading and copying out poems, I moved on to writing my own poetry. My mom bought me a thin, lined notebook with a black cover, and I immediately titled it “Divorce and Depression.” I was always dramatic – and my angsty poems inside were definitely a testament to that. But poetry was a way to talk about feelings I couldn’t have outside my room.
After I immigrated to England, I didn’t really know anyone. I scoured the Time Out listings and found announcements about open-mic poetry. I had played music at an open-mic before, but I hadn’t heard of a night where you read poetry.
It was a Sunday afternoon in the basement of a coffee shop. It was full of small circular tables and chairs, sparsely occupied. It was summer, so I could imagine the London parks and streets outside pubs would be packed with people, and I didn’t really want a large audience for my first time reading my work aloud.
I brought my notebook with me – one of a long line of many I had since the one my mom gave me. It was covered in stickers, as one would do to a guitar case or an old-fashioned suitcase. While I waited, I scribbled in it, trying to tap down my nerves.
I wrote my name on a list. A piece of paper on a clipboard. The host, Nii Parkes (who is now a friend of mine), told me that everyone on the list would get to read a poem or two, as long as it was less than five minutes. I don’t remember what I read that day, or what anyone else read, but I was told to come again. I fell in love with being able to talk about anything I wanted. I didn’t have to hide these feelings in my room anymore – I finally had a place that I could be me.
PROMPT: Is there a moment where you found a place or a time where you felt you belonged? What was it like? How was it different from the places where you felt like you couldn’t be yourself? Now think about the characters in something you are working on. Where do they feel safe? How do they act differently in those spaces? What defence mechanisms do they put into practice when they feel out of place?
What I Worked on Last Week.
Horror Pilot
As part of a a mentorship program I’m doing, I got to go back into an old pilot that I would love to be made into a TV show someday (oh, to be living the dream!). I got some great notes from my mentor and had the opportunity to go through my responses with him. It was great to have the opportunity to talk through my new takes, which you don’t always get to do when you get notes.
I really loved how my mentor color-coded his notes — green for sections/parts he loved (which was SUPER helpful), yellow for discussion, and red — well, I didn’t have any red, but I assume that would be for big issues.
Now that I’ve gone through everything, I am set to go off and write. This week, I want to finish a new draft to send to the new writers’ group I’m in. It would be great to get some additional thoughts before I send it back to my mentor.
Poem
One of my biggest focuses last week was to get ready for my performance at Lincoln Center. I had finished a few drafts of the poem and felt like it was pretty locked, but a lot of the performance of a piece is in its rhythm. I don’t necessarily use a lot of rhyme, but there is a flow that helps show emotion in accompaniment with word choice. As I was practicing, I moved sections around to create a bigger build to the story as it built toward a central twist.
For this piece, I was given Celine Dion’s ‘If That’s What It Takes’ as a starting point. What was interesting about this song was that it was recorded first in French and had different lyrics. I used both sets of lyrics as inspiration – the English version was about going above and beyond to keep someone’s love, and the French version went further: not only was it about doing whatever it took to get someone’s love, but it was also about making oneself perfect to keep love. It made me think about the relationships I was in, where I did that – tried to be perfect, not be myself, to try to keep love.
So the poem started with those pieces from certain relationships, compiled into one story, which then led to a couple of stanzas describing how small I’d make myself until nothing of me was left. At that point, I added a turn to describe how real love should be – a partnership, moving through the world side by side, and how this love would allow me to be myself. That I am enough as I am.
Here is a link to the finished piece. I’m happy to talk more about how I approach a poem when based on another piece of art, if you want!
The Novel
My friend Bri Castellini has started a bi-weekly (fortnightly) write-along session with Kelly Chastain for anyone who wants to join. It’s called The Rogue MFA’s Writing Community Hour and they do it via a live YouTube recording so you can interact with them as you write. It was really helpful, as I’ve not set aside time to write my daily 1000 words because I’ve been working on other things. I ended up writing another chapter and just trying not to overthink everything as I get my words down. My goal is to give myself a few hours a week to work on this so I can chip away. Once you have a draft, you’ve written the thing, and really, writing is mostly rewriting, so I’d love to get to a first rough draft by the fall if I can.
Other things
Other than a lot of poetry practising around my house, I also had some general meetings and another couple of meetings about the two feature films I’ve been talking with directors about.
With one, we really drilled down to the theme we wanted to talk about and the different ways “identity” can be thrust on you. We’re going to go away, watch some movies and shows that also tackle the subject matter, and see what we want to say in comparison. We’re also going to think about our take on the theme – what we really want to say about how identity should shape us and how we should shape our own identities. The other meeting was more of a catch-up. We have some more IP to look at and are learning about the rights to the novel that the director and I both liked. Hopefully, we find out about that soon!
I also had an introductory meeting for the Becoming Love Project. I volunteered to be one of their Story Guides for the inaugural year. The program is open to young adults who grew up in foster care and/or attended a Title I school in Georgia. As someone who grew up in a low-income family in the Canadian Midwest, I want to help provide the skills and information I wish I had or knew when I was growing up. I have two mentees for the next two months, and I get to help:
Shape and strengthen their scripts
Find their authentic voice on the page
Turn personal experiences into compelling screen stories
Learn how the film and television industry actually works
Build the confidence to see themselves as writers
I believe storytelling is one of the most powerful ways to explore your view of the world and claim your voice even when you feel like you don’t have one. I’m excited to meet my mentees and get started!
Things I’m Loving.
Is it weird to say my own poem? My friend Erin recorded my performance, and I loved having the opportunity to see myself back on stage…so here it is:
I’m also the co-host of the Braaains Podcast, and our first episode of season five just came out last night! We interviewed journalist and author Kristen Lopez about her new book, “Popcorn Disabilities: The highs and lows of disabled representation in the movies.” Please take a listen and let us know what you think!
So that’s another week. If you feel inclined to donate today, why not help out Start Lighthouse? It’s a Bronx-based non-profit founded in 2020 that promotes childhood literacy by rehabilitating school libraries, creating permanent reading spaces, and providing diverse books. They focus on Title I schools, incorporating social justice, immersive experiences with authors, and building home libraries. You can also donate your dollars (or your time) to a literary charity close to you!
As always, stay safe, stay informed, and be kind.
We're rooting for you to get the novel done! See you next week 😊